pandemic to-do list

The Official Pandemic To-Do list

How to make a pandemic magically disappear...

Luckily for America, President Trump led a highly effective campaign against the Coronavirus. So that future presidents will be as successful as President Trump, we are providing a to-do list based on Trump’s actions that have led to the Coronavirus magically going away in a few days.

  • As an early precaution, remove most of the U.S. health officials stationed in China that can help prevent or minimize pandemics
  • Disband the know-it-alls at the National Security Council’s pandemic response unit
  • Ignore pandemic warnings from the overrated intel community
  • Tell people it is a hoax
  • Tell people it will magically go away
  • Even though you fully understand how dangerous the virus is, be sure to downplay it
  • Take a pass on the WHO testing equipment
  • Lie about the millions of tests that will be available
  • Lie about when the millions of tests will be available
  • Lie about anyone being able to get tested
  • Exaggerate testing numbers
  • Question death counts
  • This would be a good time to roll back pollution regulation
  • While no one is looking, give your convicted cronies a get-out-of-jail-free card
  • Brag about the popularity of your daily briefings
  • Promote mask-wearing protests around the country
  • Offer harmful drug advice as a cure
  • Discuss ingesting sterilizer products as a cure
  • Sign the $2 trillion Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security (CARES) Act – but refuse to allow independent review of which corporations received part of $500 billion dollars of those taxpayers dollars
  • Definitely fire the Inspector Generals for:
    – The Intelligence community
    – The Department of Defense (which means he got automatically booted from The Pandemic Response Accountability Committee which monitors how the $2 trillion dollars were spent)
    – Department of Health and Human Services
    – Department of State
    – Department of Transportation (He was part of The Pandemic Response Accountability Committee also)
  • Fire various Attorney Generals that were investigating activities and individuals related to you
  • While people are losing jobs and dying, be sure to continue the attack on the affordable health care
  • Prevent Dr. Faucci from testifying
  • Force states to compete for their own Personal Protection Equipment and ventilators
  • Swoop in and take or outbid PPE from states
  • Blame previous administrations for not creating a vaccine for something that didn’t exist
  • Avoid using the Defense Production Act to coordinate industries in making PPE and intubators
  • Blame hospitals for lack of supplies
  • Do nothing about orchestrating an improved food supply
  • Create executive orders that allow discrimination against LGTBQ for covid care (in case a hospital would choose to do that)
  • Announce after well over 100,000 deaths and millions of infections – ‘If we stop testing right now, we’d have very few cases’
  • Hold super-spreader rallies in unsafe locations
  • Make those unsafe locations even worse
  • Push states to open up even if the number of cases is steadily increasing
  • Threaten the funding to states that don’t open schools while keeping the CDC from testifying to Congress about going back to school
  • Back away from the WHO’s vaccine development program
  • Use the pandemic to rig the election by breaking the postal service
  • Hold a super-spreader event at the White House and infect staff members and supporters
  • Don’t let of if you become infected yourself, it is a sign of weakness. The health of your staff is secondary, and with a little luck, you might infect your political opponent on a debate stage
  • Once you become infected, get the best medical treatment in the world
  • Continue your efforts to keep millions of Americans from getting any medical treatment at all
  • As the pandemic is taking off, tell your supporter that we are turning the corner
  • Promote toughness, manliness, and liberty over wearing a mask
  • Promise to fire the most respected pandemic voice if you are re-elected
  • If you lose the election, spend your time blaming rampant voter fraud and ignore the rampant pandemic
  • If possible, incite a combined coup and super spreader event
  • When the number of daily deaths is around 3000 play more golf so that people feel good
  • Be sure to get vaccinated but, and this is very important, don’t tell anyone (especially your base)

Other than that, do almost nothing else – what else is there to do?

Look, it’s time to admit that we put the wrong person in the White House. It simply cannot be argued that Trump is the exact wrong guy, for the exact wrong job, and the exact wrong time. Seriously, if the Trump administration had put less effort into sabotaging Democracy and instead focused on the pandemic, then his administration would have been national heroes, Trump’s ego would have been satisfied by something he actually accomplished, and he may have won the election fair and square.  Instead, the Administration followed their corrupt instincts and automatically took the charade route, not even realizing that stopping the Pandemic when they were told to would have been easier than trying to hijack an election.