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How to Talk with Your
Trump-Supporting Friends and Family

Democracy has one last chance—your voice

There’s no getting around it – if we want our democracy to survive, then we need to talk to our Trump-supporting friends and family. We must be their path back to reality, gently and patiently nudging them away from Trump and the disinformation that led them to him. They are our friends and family – nobody else can reach them now – it’s up to us.  We owe to them and to our democracy.

Yes, these conversations can be tricky and they often backfire. But, they’re important – and the ideas below can help you through them.

We’re diving straight into it, so if you’re a bit unsure, please read “The Case for Talking with Trump Supporters” for the rationale and motivation behind this effort. In case you choose not to read it, here are the main takeaways: 

  • These “conversations” aren’t about you getting them to declare, ‘OMG, you’re right. How did I not see that?‘. Make these conversations more about reconnecting (if needed) and planting the seeds that let them find their own way back to truth. 
  • Disinformation can capture and change any of us, but it can be undone.
  • As the pain of Trump’s policies sets in, his supporters will be more receptive than before. It will be easier to show that something is happening than it was to warn that something will happen.
  • Our unwillingness to engage with Trump supporters only strengthens the influence of those who’ve captured them.

If we expect these conversations to save democracy, we need specific goals. Just keep in mind that reaching them will take time. Here they are:

  • Help folks see that Trump doesn’t care about them, their family, or our country. He is aggressively aligning America with authoritarian leaders, and that will not end well for anybody.
  • Help them move and stay away from manipulative and destructive sources of information (Fox News, Joe Rogan, social media, etc.). Disinformation and propaganda are THE reasons we are in this mess. 
  • Help them find better sources of information. While far from perfect, mainstream media doesn’t push blatant lies as does conservative media. Introduce them to your favorite independent journalist(s).
  • Help them see that it’s the billionaires, corporatists, and oligarchs that are our true enemies, not our neighbors and not the vulnerable.

It is critical that we get folks to reject the toxic voices and the resulting misguided allegiances that are rapidly tearing our society apart. 

We’ve broken this guide into two parts: a foundational mindset to guide your approach to these conversations and a hands-on guide to help you navigate them in real time.

Both are built around worst-case scenarios — the hardest conversations, with the most resistance. From there, you can adapt, soften, and personalize your approach to fit the person in front of you.

A Foundational Mindset

It’s easy to slip into arguments or frustration when talking to Trump supporters. But the goal isn’t to win a dispute — it’s to help the other person to find truth on their own. To support that goal, we offer a simple foundational mindset to help ground your conversations in the three pillars of Empathy, Authenticity, and Fellowship. These aren’t tactics or talking points— they’re ways of being that create a positive and collaborative environment for these conversations. Importantly, the pillars are also models for those we talk to, reminding them how we might relate to one another in a healthier, more humane society. 

Empathy, Authenticity, and Fellowship create the conditions for awareness to take root — that first subtle sense that something isn’t right. From there, through ongoing connection and reflection, that awareness can lead to awakening: a deeper recognition of how we were misled — and by whom — and what might be possible instead. Awakening isn’t just recognizing something — it’s reclaiming clarity, direction, and agency.

This mindset is meant to adapt, and how you use it will vary depending on your relationship with the person, their connection to Trump, and how deeply they’re entangled in right-wing messaging.

Empathy is the emotional anchor.

Empathy keeps you centered in the reality that this person is not your enemy—even if it feels like you’re on opposite sides. Anxiety, a sense of victimhood, or manipulation often shape people—it’s important to remember that these forces can touch any of us. Empathy allows us to stay mindful, even when the conversations get challenging or emotional.

Empathy can be contagious. Your calm, your openness, and your refusal to meet anger with anger — these alone can be disarming. Sometimes, the most eye-opening moment isn’t a fact or argument but simply realizing that someone still cares.

Reminders for Practicing Empathy:

  • Empathy doesn’t excuse harmful beliefs — it helps you tolerate difficult conversations.
  • You’re not trying to win — you’re trying to understand.
  • No one listens while they’re being judged.
  • The real fight isn’t with them — it’s with the forces that shaped what they believe.
  • Look for the human behind the beliefs — compassion helps you stay with them.
  • Stay patient — growth is often slow, silent, and invisible at first.

Empathy builds trust, opens hearts, and creates the conditions for change.

Authenticity is the grounding force.

Authenticity is about creating a deeper connection by expressing yourself in a way that is genuine and transparent. It builds credibility and invites the trust these conversations depend on. 

Reminders for Maintaining Authenticity:

  • Be honest — it’s the basis of trust.
  • You don’t need all the answers — humility helps you listen without needing control.
  • Avoid performance — sincerity is more effective than polished messaging.
  • Share yourself, not just your position — being open encourages others to do the same.
  • Authenticity invites authenticity — being real helps others lower their guard.

Authenticity builds trust, invites openness, and models the kind of society we hope to build.

Fellowship is how we connect and hold the line.

Fellowship is about refusing to give up on each other, even when it’s hard. It’s the choice to stay connected and remember that our relationships are more powerful than misguided allegiances.

Fellowship is an environment you create — based on a common purpose and the recognition that we face the same forces working against us. Use it to reframe these conversations from winning an argument to creating a partnership.

Weave these principles into your fellowship:

  • Solidarity — Standing with, not above, them.
  • A Journey — Walking together as you both reconnect, learn, and grow.
  • Unity — Remembering we have more in common than we’ve been led to believe.
  • An Alliance — Realizing we have the same enemies, and doing something about it.
  • Partnership — Working toward shared goals.
  • Purpose — Gives us a reason to push ahead, for each other and something greater.
  • Continuity – Keep showing up and nudging them along — the voices of division will pursue them.

Fellowship helps us hold the line when others are trying to pull us apart, and it will carry us beyond these conversations.

A Guide for These Conversations

It’s not realistic to offer step-by-step instructions for every type of relationship. Instead, we provide a flexible guide you can adapt to your own situation. Here’s how it’s structured:

  • General conversation tips (which may also help you decide whom to talk to)
  • Guidance on choosing who to engage with—and who to avoid
  • An approach to the worst-case scenario, which you can adjust based on your own circumstances
  • Suggestions for adapting that worst- case approach to other relationships
  • Additional insights and helpful pointers
  • Simple rewording examples that can help keep conversations calm and constructive

The following guide offers simple, realistic approaches that can help you in these conversations. Use what resonates, skip what doesn’t, and remember: progress happens one moment of understanding at a time.

  • These conversations are typically more about planting seeds that help people come around on their own. 
  • This process could take weeks or months—understanding that upfront will help prevent frustration. Keep engaging.
  • Prepare for these conversations – think of who you’re going to talk to, how things might go, and the views they might hold. Visualize how you will act positively
  • How you enter a conversation (what you say and do) matters – don’t start with attacking, fact-checking, or expecting to convert them.
  • Negativity pushes people away. Speak gently and positively – it sticks.
  • One-on-one conversations are usually most effective. If other Trump supporters are present, they’ll reinforce each other. If multiple people confront a single Trump supporter, he or she will feel attacked and become defensive.
  • Face-to-face is ideal, phone calls can work, and email is a last resort.
  • Face-to-face is effective, but side-by-side is better. Go for a walk together – it suggests fellowship, not confrontation.
  • Avoid insults, eye-rolling, or condescension. They’ll notice, it will hurt, and it wont be forgotten. 
  • Back off if things aren’t going well – it’s important to keep these lines of communication open for future conversations.
  • People are driven by emotion, not facts. Use personal stories and experiences – they are more difficult to dismiss than facts.

When considering whom to talk to, start with those who may be more open to meaningful conversations with you. Here are some key groups to focus on:

  • Those you still socialize with regularly
  • Those with whom you share memories, values, or other strong emotional bonds
  • Those who have vulnerable loved ones to protect
  • Anyone you know who has shown signs of remorse or who you suspect might be personally impacted by Trump
  • Those who were uninformed or non-voters (vs. staunch Trump supporters

In some cases, you should tread lightly:

  • Hardcore in-your-face MAGA friends and family
  • Co-workers – depending on your relationship and how far you take these conversations
  • New acquaintances – such as someone you meet at a party, but they can be nudged

And there are those to avoid altogether – no exceptions:

  • Anyone who has ever threatened you or talked to you in an intimidating tone.
  • Anyone on social media – they’re only there to pick a fight, and they will drain your energy. Block them or otherwise totally disengage

There’s plenty of variability to the above. Who you choose to engage with and with what frequency and intensity will depend on your relationship with them and their relationship with Trump. Pick the low-hanging fruit first.

Let’s use the example of a staunch Trump supporter you’ve grown distant from, and your relationship was once solid as the worst-case scenario. As you read along, consider how this might apply to the Trump voter(s) in your life and how these conversations could unfold. Remember, you don’t have to rescue them outright – take these conversations as far as you feel comfortable. Keep these points in mind:

  • Remember that Trump and MAGA disingenuously offer many a sense of acceptance and camaraderie, making it hard for the faithful to leave.
  • Continually show that family and friendship matter more than political allegiance and that they’ll always be welcome back.
  • If they start doubting their loyalty to Smith, knowing others care about them will make it easier to walk away.

Start by reaffirming your relationship with them:

  • Find a reason to reach out or check in.
  • Your first goal is simply to reconnect—quietly giving them a lifeline to reality.
  • Try to avoid politics entirely—even subtle hints—unless they bring up their buyer’s remorse.
  • Focus on shared history, family, mutual interests, community, or lighthearted topics.
  • Continue with this approach – even after these conversations advance

Let politics slowly drift into later conversations

  • Without mentioning Trump, gently touch on his polices (or their consequences) that impact them, you, or the community.
  • Don’t force things into the conversation; slide them in when appropriate. Examples include retirement concerns, your insulin costs, local layoffs or work stoppages, etc.
  • If their concerns extend beyond the immediate (economy, corruption, healthcare, global stability, climate disasters, etc.) gently touch on those as well.
  • Stay in this mode until you (hopefully) see them thinking more about what’s truly going on in the world and about those they believe.

As the conversations become more complex

  • The overall theme here should not be “you’re an idiot”, but “they lied to you and took advantage of you”. Remember, we want them to recognize and reject the voices in their bubble.
  • Avoid lecturing, finger-pointing, and sarcasm – this will make them dig in their heels.
  • Understand their concerns so well that you can explain them back to them. This shows respect – something many may feel they’ve been lacking for years.
  • Encourage them, in a genuine manner, to explain their views. In some cases, their attempts to articulate misguided beliefs will reveal the flaws in their thinking. Let them struggle to answer for a bit – the silence can be more effective than words.
  • Offer broader perspectives on their concerns. An important underlying perspective is that all of their concerns combined aren’t worth losing our democracy over.
  • Keep it light – there should be plenty of smiles, laughs, and agreement. Don’t let politics dominate any of these conversations. The idea here is to keep the door open to further conversations
  • Keep cycling back to common ground and connecting

Hopefully, you’re not facing the worst-case scenario described above. This section offers a few simple examples of how you might adjust things for different types of relationships.

Your immediate family:

    • Use your long history to guide these conversations.
    • You should be able to predict how these conversations will go – visualize and rehearse them.
    • The idea of only having one-on-one conversations may apply less here, but avoid “interventions”
    • Depending on your family dynamics, it might be okay to have stern talks – but avoid pushing buttons.
    • Point out how specific individuals in or close to your family will be hurt by Trump’s policies.
    • Here’s a deeper dive into family dynamics and politics

People impacted by Trump’s policies:

  • Reach out to them – let them know you’re thinking about them
  • Instead of doing the “I told you so” thing, sit down and listen to their problem and maybe even help them figure out a solution. 
  • Help them identify and move away from those who were hiding the truth from them all this time
  • This can be frustrating for you if they only now care about Trump’s disregard for others. Use it as a lesson about love vs. allegiance and about living in a society built on respect and mutual support.

Trump supporters you regularly socialize with, but politics are politely or conveniently ignored.

  • In these cases, they could be humiliated, wavering, or happy about Trump’s America.
  • You might be able to ask them where they now stand, but simply trying to gauge them might be a safer approach.
  • Where they stand will drive these conversations
  • Depending on your relationship, there could be some good-natured ribbing, but done in an empathetic and educational manner

Uninformed, apathetic, and non-voters

  • See immediately above
  • In deeper conversations, if things devolve into a back-and-forth argument, agree to give each person a few minutes to explain without interruption. Or agree to this upfront.
  • When things aren’t going well, then back off. Don’t get flustered and storm off – try again another day or forget about this one. Never cut anyone out of your life – they need at least one connection to reality, no matter how frail.
  • If they push your buttons, just laugh at yourself or maybe even agree with them – it will catch them off guard.
  • Make no mention or hint of someone being brainwashed, living in a cult, or needing to be reprogrammed – this is exceedingly insulting.
  • Keep showing them that an exit ramp exists – let them know your door will always be open to them.
  • Learn about them as you go, research their issues, and circle back on those topics in later conversations.
  • It might be better not to make it about Trump or his policies. Make it about the billionaire class vs everyone else – make it about saving Democracy. 
  • Many have been convinced that an “inclusive society” will somehow exclude them, so it might be good avoid those conversations – at least early on. 
  • Some Conservatives crave “the good old days” – agree with them and mention how much you miss a government that is not owned by billionaires and corporate America
  • A stern reality check is sometimes appropriate. For example, point to someone in their life who will be harmed by Trump’s policies.

We’re the first to admit it – talking to Trump supporters is the ultimate “easier said than done”. It’s more art than science, requiring practice and a bit of creativity. It won’t be perfect, but you will learn. Here are examples, – touching on  empathy, authenticity, and fellowship – to help you adjust your approach.

Use simple stories to humanize issues. Stories skip over arguments and they take away the pundit talking points:

  • Instead of “Well, I think the government should play a role in our lives,” try something like: “My uncle worked two jobs and still couldn’t afford his insulin… that’s when he started paying attention to drug pricing reform.”
  • “I grew up out in the sticks – it was a poor area of the country, but we always had each other’s back – that’s something I’ll never let go of”

Give them permission to doubt without losing face – maybe even show own your journey through doubt:

  • “Honestly, I’ve felt torn about some of this too. But I keep going back to what actually helps people.”
  • When I find myself thinking “I don’t know”, that’s my signal to dig in and learn.”
  • I know I don’t have all the facts on this… What have you heard?

Help them see that caring, questioning, or changing is consistent with their values—not a betrayal of their loyalties:

  • “Sometimes I think we’ve got more in common than the people at the top want us to believe.”
  • “I used to like the idea of ‘shaking things up’ – but over time, I began to figure out who’s actually benefiting from it.”
  • “I just don’t think corporatists, foreign oligarchs, Christian Nationalists, and Authoritarians are in this for us”

Create cognitive dissonance by challenging their conflicting stances. As they think, let the silence settle in –  it’s often more effective than any argument.

  • “Give me a sec, I’m just trying to understand how that aligns with what you said earlier about…”
  • “I know you’re really family-oriented, so I was surprised you were okay with that policy.”
  • “You’ve always hated money in politics. This looks a lot like corruption to me—doesn’t it to you?”

It’s often best to start a counterpoint with an agreement:

  • You’re spot-on there – I’m just worried that…
  • I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said last week… The part I can’t figure out is…

It’s easy to unintentionally insult someone who is already in a defensive mindset. It might be worth practicing a bit.

  • Replace “Wait, you didn’t hear about…?” with “Yeah, I was totally shocked when I learned …“.
  • Replace “How did you not know this?” with “There’s just so much noise out there – it’s hard to keep up.“

Depending on your relationship them, a more direct approach may also be suitable:

  • He made a big show of fighting for us, but behind the scenes, he was cutting deals with the very people who’ve been draining the country dry for decades. The system’s rigged, yeah, but he just made it worse.
  • He didn’t care about facts—he cared about followers. Lies were his weapon, and loyalty was his goal.
  • They didn’t want to inform anyone. They just flooded the airwaves with noise, hoping we’d give up on the truth.

We hope you pictured yourself holding these conversations as you read through the above. You know your friends and family best; use your instincts, make a plan, and reach out.

Don’t underestimate the power of your actions – they do matter. Just as endless rhetoric was used to destroy our democracy from the top down, our countless conversations will save democracy from the bottom up.

“Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.” – Edmund Burke