Introduction

Across America, our families and friendships have been intentionally torn apart by malicious forces. Armed with disinformation and propaganda, they fed us a steady stream of manufactured threats, leaving us dizzy with fear, hate, and anxiety—making it easy to pit us against each other and distract us from their true agenda.

We aren’t a divided nation, we’re a nation that was purposefully divided—and that’s a big difference, but that also makes it easier to fix. We need to push back against the forces that divided us and mend the fabric of society that they ripped apart. We do this by repairing the relationships, one by one, with our friends and family. It’s time to chat with them. How we have these chats matters greatly, but the general goals are:

• Reaffirm our relationships with our close Trump-supporting friends and family, making it easier for them to leave Trump. The sooner the better.
• Help them see and understand the damage that Trump and the oligarchs will be creating
• Help them see and move away from the lies and propaganda that led so many of us astray
• Help them see that we share the same enemies; billionaires, oversized corporations, oligarchs, and foreign influencers – and their propagandists.

As part of these conversations, we should encourage our Trump-supporting friends and family to: 

• Follow new sources of information – independent journalists, podcasts, etc.
• See the Democrats as being more aligned with the working class than the billionaire class
• Contact their federal and state lawmakers to express their displeasure
• Start having these same discussions with other Trump supporters in their circles

The Basics

First, keep in mind that every relationship is different and there are varying levels of commitment to Trump, so these ideas should be selected, timed, and pursued in a way that makes for each situation. Take some time to think about who you’ll be talking with – develop strategies for each person.

You might be uncomfortable talking with your Trump-supporting friends and family.  If this is the case then maybe you’ll be able to reach out only to check in on them in the hope that resonates at some point.

Warning folks upfront about the dangers of Trump was hard, but they’ll eventually experience the pain of his agenda. It will be much easier to talk to them when they can actually see, and in some cases, feel the pain he is causing.

There are fifty shades of MAGA so pick the low-hanging fruit first. Have these conversations with those you know well and have shared experiences and values. Choose those who you can talk with face-to-face or on the phone. This is not about engaging with strangers, especially online. 

Don’t expect these to be one-time conversations. These things can take time depending on who you’re talking to. Take your time and learn. Trying to hasten this process will likely create desperation in you and cause you to “bully” your way through – that won’t end well.

These should be one-on-one conversations. A Trump supporter will be less likely to “let the team down” if in the presence of another Trump supporter. Likewise, ganging up on a Trump supporter will likely put them in a more defensive mood.

We need to reaffirm and strengthen our relationships with the Trump supporters in our lives now. Let them know they can “return home”.  Don’t wait for their buyer’s remorse – get in front of it. This is very important – knowing upfront that they have someplace else to go will make it much easier to leave Trump and their information bubble.

The goal isn’t to win arguments but to foster trust and connection, emphasizing that our bonds are more enduring than the forces trying to divide us and that only friends and family truly care about them. 

Many Trump supporters are victims of disinformation, shaped by years of manipulative media that gave many of them an identity, soothed their self-esteem, and sometimes created a sense of “family”.  This doesn’t excuse their harmful beliefs, but it helps humanize those who hold them. We need to remember this while having these conversations. Empathy and patience will be our strongest tools.

After the pain or their doubt begins

Help them understand this isn’t totally their fault. Guide them to the realization that they were victims of long-running and highly advanced propaganda and disinformation. Make it clear that this doesn’t reflect poorly on them as individuals.

Help them understand the pain being inflicted upon us is not only unnecessary, but is intentional and it will take our money, divide us further, and destroy our democracy.

Suggest they re-evaluate their relationships with those who misled them (Trump, Fox News, Social Media, Joe Rogan and his ilk, co-workers, or Uncle Bob)

Gently shift focus to the bigger picture – highlight the long-term consequences of sticking to a misleading belief, but do so in a way that invites them to join you in the pursuit of a better future, rather than simply criticizing their choices.

Create a Space for Re-evaluation – Make it clear that it’s okay to change one’s mind and that doing so does not mean admitting a weakness or failure. Instead, frame it as a strength and a natural part of growing. Give them time.

Demonstrate that love and relationships are stronger than allegiance.

Other Conversation pointers

Don’t make these conversations all about politics. Be sure to sprinkle in past life experiences you’ve shared with them and your common values (our children’s future, national security, opportunities for growth, etc.)

Understand their concerns and validate their feelings to reduce defensiveness and open the door for more honesty. Be able to express their concerns back to them.

Avoid framing the conversation in a way that might feel like you’re asserting superiority or judgment.

Gentle fact-checking may be required at some point – know their “hot spots” and get your talking points in order. The typical gripes include

• The border
• The economy
• Trans issues
• Wokeness
• The Deep State
• Ukraine
• The Biden crime family
• Crime

Even if the above list were actual problems, all of them combined would not be as bad as any one of the following real dangers – help them see that.

• Billionaires and oligarchs are taking over
• It’s not Left vs. Right or black vs white – it’s rich vs. poor and it always was
• The loss of national security and intelligence
• Shifting global alliances and world peace
• The dangers of Putin influencing/controlling Trump and the GOP
• Degraded government agencies (health, justice, etc.)
• Climate change
• Reduced corporate regulation and oversight

Offer them alternative information sources from legitimate media.

You know your friends and family best – depending on your relationship and their commitment to Trump, a “lecturing” or “intervention” approach may be appropriate. The  “what the hell were you thinking?” approach can work in some relationships. Tough love is still a thing.