The minds of our Trump-supporting friends and family have been captured, making conversations difficult and often unproductive—but if we are to save democracy, we must engage with them. We no longer have a choice.

Many on the left dismiss engaging with Trump voters as a waste of time—but they’re wrong. Not everyone who voted for Trump is entrenched in a cult. Many have already distanced themselves from him, MAGA, or the Republican Party—and more continue to do so. Reaching them is possible; it comes down to whom you engage with and how.

(From the intro) Remember, this isn’t about ‘rescuing’ them single-handedly—we’re not aiming for an ‘OMG, you’re right, how did I not see that?’ moment (though it can happen). What matters is staying connected—using your presence and your voice to offer gentle nudges back to reality. Our beliefs and values are shaped by those in our circles, so it’s crucial to reaffirm, manage, and grow our connections with Trump supporters. Reach into their information bubble with tidbits of truth, small things they can reflect on privately, and reminders that there’s a place to come back to.

So, who do we talk to, and how do we talk to them? The “who” is simpler than the “how,” but it still has its nuances. The “how” depends on the “who.” As you consider who to engage with, think about how these conversations might unfold:

• Simple expressions of understanding and support
• Offering subtle reminders of the damage caused by Trump
• Gradually shifting from subtle hints to deeper, meaningful discussions
• Gently moving them to question their information sources
• Engaging in more direct course correction (especially for non-voters or disengaged voters)

When considering who talk to, start with those who may be more open to meaningful conversations with you. Here are some key groups to focus on:

• Those you still socialize with regularly
• Those who are uninformed or non-voters, as opposed to staunch Trump supporters
• Those with whom you share history, memories, values, or strong emotional bonds
• Those who may have vulnerable loved ones to protect (e.g., young people, minorities, the unhealthy, etc.)—they may be more open
• Anyone you know who has shown signs of remorse or who you suspect might be personally impacted by Trump

In some cases you should tread lightly:

• Hardcore in-your-face MAGA friends and family
• Co-workers – much depends on your relationship/history
• New acquaintances – such as someone you meet at a party – but they can be nudged

And there are those to avoid completely – no exceptions:

• Anyone who has ever threatened you or talked to you with an intimidating tone.
• Anyone on social media – they are only there to pick a fight and they will drain your energy. Block them or otherwise totally disengage

Obviously, there are plenty of variations of the above. Who you choose to engage with—and how frequently and intensely you do so—will depend on your relationship with them and their relationship with Trump. Pick the low-hanging fruit first.

Providing specific guidance for every relationship isn’t realistic, so instead, we offer a toolkit for you to pick and choose what makes sense for you. Your toolkit includes:

• General guidance for these conversation
• An approach to a worst-case scenario relationship that you can tailor down to your unique situation (hopefully you’ll have better relationships to work with).
• Ideas to tailor that worst-case scenario for other common relationships
• Rephrasing examples that will help these conversations go smoothly
• A set of high-level concepts they need to be aware of
• A list of resources to counter their go-to issues

A worst-case scenario

Let’s use the example of a staunch Trump supporter you’ve grown distant from and your relationship was once solid. As you read along, consider how this might apply to the Trump voter in your life and how the conversation could unfold.

Staunch Trump supporters won’t flip easily – plan on this taking time.

• Picture these conversations as slowly sowing the seeds that will help folks come around on their own.
• Think weeks or months (this means you need to get busy!).
• Starting out with arguments and talking points won’t work and will probably be counterproductive.

Start by reaffirming your relationship with them:

• Find a reason to reach out or check in with them.
• Everyone needs to feel like they belong—unfortunately, Trump (disingenuously) and MAGA provided that sense of acceptance and camaraderie, making it difficult for many to leave.
• Gently remind them—without telling them outright—that the bonds of family and friendship are stronger than any political allegiance, and that they’ll always be welcome back.
• If they begin to doubt their loyalty to Trump, knowing they are welcome home will make it easier for them walk away.
• Avoid politics entirely—even subtle hints. If they bring it up, change the topic.
• Focus these early conversations on your shared past, families, things you both enjoy, even scuttlebutt.
• Your initial goal is simply to reconnect—provide them a life-line to reality.
• Keep having these conversations 

Let politics slowly drift into later conversations

• Without mentioning trump, gently touch on his polices (or their consequences) that are affecting them, you, or the community.
• Don’t force things into the conversation, slide them when appropriate –  examples include, retirement concerns, your daughter’s insulin costs, local layoffs or work stoppages, etc.
• Stay in this mode until you (hopefully) see them thinking more about what’s truly going on the world and about those they believed.

As the conversations become more complex

• The overall theme here should not be “you’re an idiot”, it should be “they lied to you and took advantage of you”. We want them to recognize and reject the voices in their bubble.
• An important underlying point is all of their hot issues combined aren’t worth losing our democracy over.
• Avoid lecturing, no finger-pointing, no sarcasm – this will make them dig in their heels.
• Keep it light – there should be plenty of smiles, laughs, and agreement. Don’t let politics dominate any of these conversations.
• Encourage them, in a friendly manner, to explain their views. Attempting to articulate vague or ill-defined beliefs will reveal the flaws in their thinking. Let them struggle to answer for a bit, but consider moving on to something non-political to give them an out.
• Understand their point of view so well that you can explain it back to them better than they explained it to you. This also shows respect – something many may feel they’ve been lacking for years.
• Offer different perspectives on their concerns. If you don’t have a solid understanding then drop it, learn about it, and discuss it at another time.
• Don’t always make these discussion about politics – keep cycling back to common ground

It’s best to start a counterpoint with some sort of agreement:

• That’s a great point – I’m also thinking that…
• I was wondering about that a while back too – then I realized that…
• I was totally on board with that a couple of years ago – now I…
• You’re spot-on there – I’m just worried that…
• I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said last week…the part I can’t figure out is…

Don’t insult them, roll your eyes, or talk with a condescending smile or tone. This will be noticed, it will hurt, and it will stick. Your temporary frustration will confirm to them what the conservative provocateurs have told them – that we don’t respect them. You will be making your task more difficult.

Admittedly, this is tricky stuff. These conversations won’t be perfect because it’s easy to unintentionally insult someone who is already in a defensive mindset. It might be worth practicing a bit.

Replace “What you don’t understand is…” with “I can’t believe they lied to us about…”.

Replace “Wait, you didn’t hear about…” with “I was totally shocked to hear about…“.

It’s not worth severing a relationship with someone – if it feels like you’re going down that path then back off. Change the subject, poke fun at yourself, or return to what you were previously talking about. Don’t get all huffy and storm off – try again another day or forget about this one. Never cut anyone out of your life – they need at least one connection to reality – no matter how frail that connection is.

It would be best to have an informal and evolving plan for each of the people you engage with. Learn as you go, do research on their talking points, and circle back on those topics as you slowly move them forward. Don’t make it about Trump – make it about saving Democracy. Find where they might let you in:It comes down to whom you choose to engage with and the way you communicate.

• Some may be looking for that exit ramp. They need a do-over – give it to them. They need to save face – let them.

• [for racists] Many have been convinced that an “inclusive society” will somehow exclude them, so avoid those conversations early on. Exclusion leads to anxiety, which often leads to defensiveness and bigotry.
• [for older] Conservatives love nostalgia – agree with them and mention how much you miss a government that is not owned by billionaires and corporate America 
• keep the cycling through the modes – don’t always make discussion about politics
• Sometimes a stern reality check is appropriate. For example, point to someone in their life who will be harmed by Trump’s authoritarian tendencies. 
• If these don’t come up (and they’re not triggers), gently bring up: climate change, social security, healthcare, and continued tax breaks for billionaires and corporations, national security, global stability, a foreign billionaire and young adults sifting through our personal and financial data, etc.